We Are Failing Our Neurodivergent Girls

We Are Failing Our Neurodivergent Girls

This post is for our ADHD girls.
I see you.

You are exhausted.
You constantly feel like you’re too much—or not enough.
You feel like a walking contradiction. You’re fun and full of energy, but then at home, you crash. You’re empty, tearful, overstimulated, and wondering: Why do I feel like this?

No one knows you’re struggling. How could they?

You start to question everything.
I’m sleeping too much. Maybe I’m depressed? I’m anxious all the time—could it be anxiety? Or bipolar? I’m up and down constantly. This can’t be normal. Is this how everyone feels?

It’s confusing because, on the surface, you seemed fine. You got through school. You had friends. Maybe you were smart, creative, or full of potential—at least, that’s what everyone said. But you were also always called “too sensitive,” “too emotional,” or “too forgetful.”

A quiet loneliness followed you. It trailed behind at the playground, clung to you at your friend’s house, and sat beside you in after-school clubs.
And now, in your twenties or thirties, you feel completely burnt out.

You wonder if it’s your fault.
You tell yourself, If I just tried harder... If I wasn’t so dramatic... If I wasn’t so sensitive... maybe I’d be good enough.
But the truth is, we failed you.

The Masking Trap

You learned to mask.
You do it so well that most people have no idea how much effort it takes just to get through the day. You smile through bright lights, loud co-workers, and overwhelming stress.

You do your job without complaining. You might even be your boss’s favourite. All the while, your nervous system is screaming for rest. Then you get home and shut down.

Masking helps you survive. But it also teaches you to abandon yourself.
Living with ADHD often means pushing your needs aside to fit in, to be accepted, to be “good.” And for a while, it works.

You become the girl everyone loves to be around. You’re kind, helpful, funny. You make people laugh and gently guide conversations away from yourself. That version of you isn’t the whole story. It’s the edited version that felt safer to show.

Now you feel overstimulated, exhausted, and unsure of who you really are.
You find yourself wondering, Who am I when no one is watching?

Why ADHD in Girls Is So Often Missed

This story is far too common, and that’s not your fault. The systems around you weren’t designed with neurodivergent girls in mind.

• Most research and diagnostic criteria have focused on boys. ADHD in girls often looks quieter and more internal—like daydreaming, disorganisation, or emotional sensitivity—so it gets overlooked.
   

• Girls often learn to “act normal” from a young age, which hides the struggle beneath the surface.
   

• Many are misdiagnosed with anxiety, depression, or borderline personality disorder instead of ADHD.
   

• They’re not seen as disruptive, so they don’t raise flags. They’re the “good girls”— 'a pleasure to have in class', polite, helpful, perfectionistic. And while they appear to be coping, inside, they’re barely holding on.
   

The Mental Health Toll

Being unseen and misunderstood comes at a high cost.
Girls with undiagnosed ADHD often face:

• Chronic exhaustion from constant masking
   

• Low self-esteem after years of feeling “different”
   

• High rates of anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and burnout
   

• A deep sense of identity loss—not knowing who they are beneath the coping mechanisms
   

What Needs to Change

We have to do better—for our daughters, our sisters, our clients, and ourselves.

We need research and diagnostic tools that reflect how ADHD presents in all genders.
We need educators and healthcare professionals who can recognise internalised ADHD, especially in girls who appear high-achieving. We need support that affirms rather than pathologises. And we need to keep reminding our girls—at every age—that they are not broken. The problem is not who they are. It’s that they’ve been unseen for too long.

To Our ADHD Girls

You are not lazy.
You are not too much.
You are not a moral failure.

You are navigating a world that wasn’t built for your brain, and you’re doing it with strength, creativity, and heart.

You are not alone.
You are not forgotten.
And you are just beginning to find yourself—perhaps for the first time.